


Burn too bright now the fire's gone, watch it all burn down- Babylon

by Charmolypic_Levi



Series: Eruri Oneshots [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drabble, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Self-Harm, Short One Shot, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 07:18:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16403816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charmolypic_Levi/pseuds/Charmolypic_Levi
Summary: It's midnight and this one line of lyrics from 5SOS's 'Babylon' inspired all of this so blame them. Typed on my phone, apologies for mistakes.





	Burn too bright now the fire's gone, watch it all burn down- Babylon

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for: Attempted suicide, slight gore, mental illnesses, past trauma..
> 
> Probably just don't read this trash idk.

"Burn too bright now the fire's gone, watch it all burn down- babylon"

 

* * *

 

Erwin enters the quiet room- too quiet. He'd felt uneasy about leaving Levi alone all day, things had been strange lately. Nothing could have prepared him for the sight he walked in on. Levi sits cross-legged on the floor, silent and ice-still. In his right hand, he holds Erwin's pistol from his lock box. How he got in, is a hell of a mystery to him. Levi's right arm is raised, gun pointed right at his own temple. Erwin's blood runs cold.

 

"Levi- what are you doing?" He breathes out, trying to keep the pure panic from showing. An almost inhuman giggle comes from his husband.

 

"I could blow it off...my head. That would be a hell of a mess." The small man states, eyes void of...anything. Erwin's heart thumps, remembering Hanji said Levi is unrealistic at times like this; he's dreaming.

 

"Levi. Don't you think you should put the gun down?" Erwin softly suggests, taking casual and cautious steps closer. Levi's head lifts, and turns to eye Erwin up. 'Determining if I'm a threat.' .

 

"My arm hurts. I should just pull the trigger." Comes the dreaded whisper, and Erwin refuses to even let that be a possibility. With abnormal speed, he tackles Levi and pins down his wrists. The gun slides across the marble floor, and Erwin is relieved to see some human emotion hit Levi again...or maybe not. His husband breaks into shivers and trembles in his hold, eyes tearing up. "I'm sorry-" he starts to whisper, but Erwin silences him with a crushing hug, shaking as well.

 

* * *

 

 

Weeks pass without another issue. Levi cleans more often, scrubs until his hands are raw. Hanji suggests upping his dosage of medication. When Erwin comes home, Levi is chopping vegetables in the kitchen. Harmless, or so Erwin assumes.

 

"Oh-" comes the quiet gasp. Erwin almost didn't hear it, but returns to the kitchen as he loosens his tie. The sight has him cursing and rushing up to grab a towel. A long, gushing cut is on Levi's palm- deep. The entire surface is covered in the sticky, red substance.

 

"Jesus, Levi!" Erwin breathes out, shocked to see dullness in Levi's eyes. The wound requires five stitches. Hanji grows worried about Levi's well-being.

 

* * *

 

"Levi, come eat- what are you doing?!" Erwin snaps, unconsciously growing weary of The babysitting he's come to known. Levi stands on their balcony- on the _ledge_ of the balcony. "Get down here, now!" Erwin barks, and Levi clenches his fists.

 

"You're not the boss of me." He breathes out, legs trembling. "You can't fucking touch me anymore." Levi growls, and Erwin realises he's having a flashback of his childhood traumas. With three steps forwards, he yanks Levi back around the waist; as Levi had just attempted to step off. Two seconds later...and his husband would have been severely injured.

 -

-

 

 

This time, Erwin agrees to enter Levi into a mental facility. Hanji recommends it, and as his doctor- Erwin has no right to argue. He can't visit, not yet. It seems they need to rule him out as a trigger. He understands...though he would never hurt Levi. At home, Erwin lays awake and sobs with guilt and worry. The bed is cold, empty. His arms...Nothing to hold or protect.

 

-

-

 

Erwin is allowed a meeting, though is advised Levi has had many more episodes lately.

 

"Levi, darling... I missed you." Erwin breathes out, opening his arms. Levi sits there, curled in a defensive ball and tears welling.

 

"...you promised never to abandon me." He whispers, voice trembling in fear and hurt. Erwin rushes over, holds him close to his chest.

 

"You tried to kill yourself...I can't risk losing you." Levi sobs at that, letting out angst and fear.

 

"I think I'm already lost..."

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, the visit is not so smooth. "Get out."

 

"Levi, no- I just got here. It's me, Erwin." He whispers, hurt.

 

"Get. Out. This is MY ROOM! GET OUT!" Levi yells, temper that of a ten-year old. And perhaps that's who he is right now.

 

"...I'll be back tomorrow. I love you."

 

Erwin visits daily, some are good...more are bad. Levi is deteriorating before his eyes. The blonde goes home and drowns his thoughts in whiskey. His best friend Mike comes over- and they fuck until Erwin can think of nothing but that. In the morning, extreme guilt finds him. Repeat. Repeat.

 

* * *

 

"You're fucking Mike." Not an accusation, an observation. Erwin stays silent, it's a good day and he doesn't want to ruin it. "I'm not upset, I'm glad... I guess." Levi whispers, giving a small shrug.

 

"You're not glad." Erwin sighs.

 

"I'm...glad you're replacing me. I'm not getting better. My brain is shit and we both know it."

 

"Don't say that. I won't EVER replace you." Erwin snaps, giving a deep glare. Levi gives a sad smile, laying back to stare at the ceiling. "Tell me about your friends, Dr. Ral says you've made some."

 

"Farlan is sociopathic liar, and Isabel thinks she's five. She calls me 'big bro'." Levi explains.

 

"Well...that's cute." Erwin comments with something resembling a smile. An uncomfortable silence passes.

 

"I want a divorce." The words shock Erwin, and he stands, walking closer.

 

" _What?!"_ Anger is first. Then sadness.

 

"Divorce. I want one while I can grant it." Levi's voice is hardly a whisper. Erwin refused, says that will never happen and holds him tight.

 

* * *

 

 

The next visit, Levi throws a fit and slaps Erwin. There are no visits for the next week. Divorce papers appear at Erwin's office.

 

-

 

"You're torturing yourself. He knows what's best, Levi is smart." Mike bluntly states, as expected of the man. 

 

"...he's my husband. I love him."

 

"Who is _him_ anymore? Half the time he's not there. Someone else is in his brain. Or a past self." Mike grumbles, rubbing Erwin's bare torso.

 

-

 

Levi refuses to see Erwin most days. Especially when not himself. Two months later, Erwin signs the divorce papers. He isn't granted frequent visits...but he goes once a month. Levi doesn't talk much, mostly listens. "It's your birthday in a week. I was thinking maybe the guards would allow cake."

 

"You're not visiting me on Christmas. Spend it with Mike. Hanji." Levi states, nothing cold. Just a wish for well-being.

 

* * *

 

 

Christmas morning, Erwin comes by but is refused entrance. He leaves the small box with the front desk.

 

Levi never receives the gift. He's gone. Some rumor, Dr. Ral was smitten and slipped him a key. Some think he broke out himself. One thing that is certain...Levi is gone. Disappeared.

 

"No news." Hanji murmurs, clearly sleep-deprived. Erwin manages to get off the couch, opening the front door to find a box. Inside, is an envelope of cash. A picture of the happy, married couple. And a letter.

 

_"_ _Erwin,_

 

_I can't be with_ _you_ _. But I can't be there. I love_ _you, but move_ _on_ _._ _I'm losing myself_ _in the world_ _. Maybe_ _I'll open a tea shop_ _on a desolate island. Or clean at a shitty high school_ _in Asia. Point is...consider me dead._ _I'm hiding away, and_ _you'll never see me again._

 

_P.S. Mike is a fucking tree. But he'll take care of_ _you_ _. Love_ _him, if_ _you can._

 

_P.P.S. stop crying._

 

_Levi "_

  
  


Erwin was shocked to find Levi right. He was crying. Levi was gone, and Erwin had nothing to hold onto. He had to move on. It was Levi's wish. .

 

* * *

 

Erwin and Mike got married a year later. As the shorter blonde opened gifts, there was a small black box. Immediately curious, he opened it without his significant other. Inside, there was a delicate teacup. Blue and green swirls lined the china, and the intials 'E.S' and 'M.Z.' were engraved. The card simply said...

 

" _To the married couple; I give_ _you_ _my best._

 

_L.A. "_


End file.
